FORGET ME NOT

"You can have my body, but you will never have my soul." All paintings are self nudes representing myself in the most vulnerable and purest state. Each has her own story of experiences that at the time seemed too hard to tell. But here they are now... 

The blind Queen. The one that sits there unbothered of being. She thinks she has won the battle of self sovereignty. Finding the healing point from all her life pain. She sits there so posed. So royal. So numb. Numb to the feeling of reality. But as the passion of golden dreams arise in her eyes so does the corruption of reality within her soldiers. She has lost focus that even the necklace of truth hangs in front of her but not being seen. The tree of life of dreams tries to hold on to her soul..but reality grows strong within her soldier and is creeping into her unknowing self. So numb. She thinks she is okay. But her soul is slowing drifting away into the arms of the soul thristy demon. Where we have all fallen too. Unaware of reality because we want to live in our own fantasy. The battle begins and we hope that a lighter day is what we see. Darkness falls. Dreams fall. Crown fall. Will you fall?

Alizé, the one who charms, knowing exactly how to get her way. Surrounded by the corruption of reality she has taught herself how to adopt and how to play the game. She knows the power of her body and once she speaks she has them exactly where she wants them. Keeping the city just within her reach because even though she knows where her heart belongs the beautiful temptations are too strong at times. 

Duscha the divine spirit, the one that no matter how much pain she endures she will always remain extremely pleasant. Her beautiful soul surrounds her; protecting her from the demons that come with the battle of love. She stands her ground even though at times her head falls low from the weight of the pain that she carries. 

Amare, the eternal one lives within her own poetry. Expressing her pain, her happiness, her love within these writings, but never sharing with the ones that want to read. Distracting the readers with her beauty. Her poems live within her for eternity, will they ever be released?

Wilda is the untamed one, she loves to run with the bad unicorns, wild and free. Giving herself in the most wild ways, the ways that she only knows how to. In doing so she is susceptible of being wounded, yet she still keeps the fierceness strong. Vulnerable by chance, but wild by choice. 

Mystique full of mystery, if one cannot see within her soul how can they hurt her. She gives them the mystery of sexual pleasure, but never the pleasure of her beautiful soul. 

Demetruis the lover of earth is torn between reality and dreams. The battle between the two is so strong, she sometimes loses sight of her true passion. Falling into the arms of reality and all the false promises he tells her, finding herself believing these things. But she is reminded by the sweet touch of earth what she is really meant to be and finds her way back on the right path. 

Serenity, the peaceful disposition, she remains at peace with herself because she knows that "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." She lives by this quote. She still finds beauty within herself which she expressed in such radiant colors; colors that surround her beautiful soul.

Downhearted, the one that thought hope could no longer be seen. Through all the bullshit she attempts to stand tall, but falls into despair. One that has dealt with the devil no only in herself, but in others as well. Yet, she refuses to let that break her. always finding the strength to rise again. 

Celestia comes from the stars living within this strange world. She battles everyday with the hardships that are brought forth to her. Some takes her of her path and when that happens, everything turn to black and white. The stars from above shine light onto her and brings color back into her life. 

Living in a world that is not your own. You look in the mirror and see someone else, someone that you don’t recognize. You splash your face with water and hope the side affects subside. Trying to convince yourself you’re not crazy. That you are who you are, but you’re not you, you’re someone that you don’t know and they are blocking you from letting go.

There are somethings that are hard to let go. As she fights the battle that burns within her body, she yarns for that warm touch. A touch of a man that knows all the right spots. Her demons are released at night and the fire burns high. She becomes intertwined with the demons of her lover, they touch so right, make her feel alive inside. One must control this urge, but as they are released. They smile back at her in satisfaction, she smiles back as well.

Her dreams…Her innocent soul dreams “What if…”Waking to a reality soon to follow. Hollow thoughts grow deeper like roots…thick like branches. Life..goals conquered..seized chances. She walks…no runs..no dances to her finish line to her own beat. Strength & knowledge sees her through, as she treads, the journey ahead made swift by her own faith & feet.

She knows her strength. She has the wisdom. She has the heart & soul, But to achieve her goal. She must connect with the magic around her, the ones that gave her life, gave her inspiration. She must become one with them and be reborn again. Stand tall for her message. Don’t let her depression get the best of her, become aggressive and show the world who she is because the strength as one is bigger than just her alone. 

Selling me dreams, telling me things. Things that seem so believable, but in the end you was just being cruel. Fame and love are promised things, things that everyone has dreams about, but never obtained. Because fame is not reality, it comes at a price that is one that will take over my soul, molding me into

Something they want me to be. I loose sight of who I am. Staring in the mirror asking who am I? Is that really me? Dreams are what we follow, but some end up on a path that is hard to follow. I break down, fall to my knees asking God why? Why is it so hard to follow my dreams? Living out what I know I’m meant to be. But everything comes at a price. So I just stay high, livingIn the clouds, looking down and seeing that the industry is just ran by clowns. Monsters that want to take my creativity because they don’t have their own. They enter my soul and call it home. Moving in, taking over, kicking me out. Asking this is what you wanted right? Fame and Love

Well I’m here now to show you what it’s all aboutThey will love you now. The cameras will love you now. But as you stand there listening to these promised things you watch your dreams pass you by.  Your dreams asking “how can you sell me for something that is false? I was there for you when no body was. I was your muse, your angel, your inner genius. 

And this is how you repay us? Selling us to the monster that only wants to control us. Lock us away, never allowing us to express our true emotions in a way that

Society needs to see. They have become blind to reality. The true reality of living free. Being able to just be. We have been through so many obstacles for a reason and you throw it all away for fame and love. What is fame and love? Fame shouldn’t even be a thought of becoming. Love holds on to your heart, but it’s hard to believe that it’s there waiting. Love can’t be bought. It must be something sought by the heart. Fame is only the fame that is told to be played

To find love in others. But you only need one that can give you everything that you need. Fame with love will only

Bring you down to your knees.

As she dreams she begins to feel the energies that surround her daily. Good?…Bad? Will her dreams give her the answers? She maintains her composer as she allows her electric thoughts to light her mind. Charge the eyes to see more clearly. Charge her heart to feel more deeply. Charge her soul to feel what’s real. Allowing these electric thoughts to flow free because she trusts her inner genius, her third eye, her muse, her angel to guide her to what she believes.

Some say I ain’t shit. Some say I’m fake. Some say I’m a hore. But I don’t give a fuck because you don’t know my life and what I’ve been through. At time I sit here asking what’s left. Poppin pills because I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to be here, I want to leave here. Feeling alone because everyone I’ve ever loved has left me laying. Here face down with their foot on my heart. My dad left when I was only three came back and tried to kidnap me ,get the fuck away from me, I don’t know you, you left all three of us, why do you think you can come back and only take me? You’re nothing to me. Haven’t seen you in over 15 years, are you even alive? If you’re not I can’t even shed a tear for someone that was never there. My brother left me when I was only 12, taking his life because drugs and guns became his. Leaving not only me but his two little ones. I remember I got mad because he names his first daughter after me. Now she stands there and watches her daddy pull the trigger. And leave this earth. Whey did he do this? He fell to drugs and guns. He felt alone. So be careful what you say to others because you never know what they are going through. I don’t want to witness another one leaving this earth .Age 19, I almost left the earth myself, but I’m not the one that wanted to harm myself. The one I loved, the one I could see myself spending my life with would be the one to send me to the skies with a goodbye kiss. Feeling the barrel to my head. Him standing over me saying, he wish I was dead. Asking, why I thought you loved me? I don’t want to die. But nobody will ever know this because I keep it bottled up inside. But I still hear those hurtful things. Still feeling the pain. So I stare at these pills. If I pop these will it make everything stand still. Make all these memories fade away. Make all these comments go away. The only ones that seem to hurt me are the ones that said they loved me...What is love? Love is pain, So they say. But why?...Why does it have to be that way..Why do you have to say goodbye. I want to hold on. I want to love you even though all I see is pain in your eyes and through your hands you release it onto me. I’ll just take these pills and tell myself goodbye

Goodbye…now I can do live in the skies

I wake up and it was all a dream…

I wish…

We all have a monster within us, some keep it a secret better than others. I remain calm on the outside, but little do they know I'm dying within and being consumed by the corruption of what I may become...

What happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors. Things that I must not talk about because it might make you look bad. I do as you say, I do not want to loose you, but I feel like I'm trapped in hell. I don't even know how to escape because you always tell me it's going to get better so I stay. I stay and wait. But those false promises never come. Please release me, you don't love me...